It's a mighty big word.
People have often told me I need to forgive so that I can move on.
How can you forgive someone who is not truly sorry.
How many times are you supposed to forgive someone? Does there come a point when the person has wronged you too many times to forgive? Does there come a time when it is better to just let the person go? How can a person truly be sorry for hurting you if they continue to do it? How sorry can they really be if they are not willing to change the behavior?
I know as Christians we are taught to forgive. Jesus forgives. We hear all the time that Jesus forgives us no matter how many times we mess up. He is always there for us. How are we supposed to be like Jesus in a hurtful situation? I have always wrestled with this concept. Are we supposed to ignore a bad behavior from someone and continue to forgive them every time they ask even though they don't try to fix the problem or change the behavior? Or is it ok to just let go of the person causing harm without forgiveness?
In a book I recently read there was a paragraph that really spoke to me on this issue. It said, "Yes it happened. It certainly hurt. It may still hurt. But either the person has acknowledged his or her failure and you have chosen to forgive the person, or he/she persists in the wrong behavior and you choose to release that person to God, knowing that He is a God of justice as well as a God of mercy. I refuse to allow the persons behavior to destroy my life today."
"Releasing the person is not forgiveness. Forgiveness is a response to confession. It is rather a releasing of hurt and anger so that you are no longer consumed by them. It is choosing to love people in spite of the wrong they have done to you. It does not restore the relationship, but it does allow you to live your life in peace and love toward others."
"The best thing we can do with past failures is let them be history."
I needed to know that God would be ok with me moving on with my life and letting someone go so that I no longer carried the anger and hurt with me into the other areas of your life. I continued to forgive someone who I now know was never really sorry. Actions speak louder than words. And sorry is just a word. If you are truly sorry you are willing to make changes.
About a year ago I decided to make a change in my life. I decided to let the past be history.
I had carried hurt and anger around with me for too long. I decided to stop trying to forgive someone who was not willing to change a hurtful behavior. It was hard! It's not easy to let go of someone that has been a part of your life for so long no matter how much they hurt you. But as time went on I realized how much healthier I was emotionally when I was no longer being hurt. I started to really see how hurt I was and why I carried so much anger and resentment with me into other areas of my life.
Making such a big change is not always easy. But a year later I know I made the right decision. I was unable to truly forgive because the person has not asked to be forgiven nor admitted to the hurtful behavior. But as the paragraph from the book I read says...I was able to release the person and along with that release the anger and resentment. I am a much happier much healthier person. Releasing the hurt and anger has helped so many other areas of my life that I didn't even realize were being affected. And most importantly it has made me a better mother and a better communicator with my son. I know the relationship that caused me so much pain will more than likely never be restored, but I do hope for the best for this person and I am choosing to turn the situation to God.
