Spring Break Day 1

Austin is on spring break this week. Since I am not working right now I am trying to enjoy this time with him and try to find some fun inexpensive things to do since we don't normally get to spend this kind of time together because I am usually working. Day 1 turned out to be a little boring. I had to go in for an ultrasound (I have some ovarian cysts). Austin stayed with Grandma and played his Cars game on the Wii. We ran some errands and cleaned up the house. It was a cool rainy day so it was perfect for catching up on housework and errands. The rest of the week will be more fun!

New Soccer Season

Austin just started his 3rd season of soccer. He really enjoys playing and it's fun to watch. During the game this weekend the coach told him it was his turn to sit out and let another little boy come and play and Austin refused to leave the field because he loves playing so much and wanted to stay in the game. I did finally coax him off the field and tried to explain that each person on the team has to sit out part of the game so that everyone gets a chance to play (even thought he already knows this since it is his 3rd season). I'm just happy that he loves it and wants to play. What I love about it is the relationship he builds with his coaches. He does not have very many men in his life to be role models and I enjoy seeing him interact with his coaches and watching him learn from them. I'm glad we can find a way for him to have role models to look up to.

More Family, Please?

Ever since our recent trips to North Dakota Austin has been asking for more family. Not that I would have more babies, but that we would have family around to visit with more often. He had so much fun playing with all of his cousins in North Dakota. Poor little guy doesn't have any family his age around here to play with. He often asks if we can move to North Dakota to be around his cousins. I too wish that we could visit with our family more often.

The other night we had dinner with my Dad at Outback. We were sitting next to a family with about 12 people at the table. A mix of kids and adults. Austin looked over at them and then turned to me and said "I want a family like that mom!" Me too kid, me too!

Forgiveness...

It's a mighty big word.

People have often told me I need to forgive so that I can move on.

How can you forgive someone who is not truly sorry.

How many times are you supposed to forgive someone? Does there come a point when the person has wronged you too many times to forgive? Does there come a time when it is better to just let the person go? How can a person truly be sorry for hurting you if they continue to do it? How sorry can they really be if they are not willing to change the behavior?

I know as Christians we are taught to forgive. Jesus forgives. We hear all the time that Jesus forgives us no matter how many times we mess up. He is always there for us. How are we supposed to be like Jesus in a hurtful situation? I have always wrestled with this concept. Are we supposed to ignore a bad behavior from someone and continue to forgive them every time they ask even though they don't try to fix the problem or change the behavior? Or is it ok to just let go of the person causing harm without forgiveness?

In a book I recently read there was a paragraph that really spoke to me on this issue. It said, "Yes it happened. It certainly hurt. It may still hurt. But either the person has acknowledged his or her failure and you have chosen to forgive the person, or he/she persists in the wrong behavior and you choose to release that person to God, knowing that He is a God of justice as well as a God of mercy. I refuse to allow the persons behavior to destroy my life today."

"Releasing the person is not forgiveness. Forgiveness is a response to confession. It is rather a releasing of hurt and anger so that you are no longer consumed by them. It is choosing to love people in spite of the wrong they have done to you. It does not restore the relationship, but it does allow you to live your life in peace and love toward others."

"The best thing we can do with past failures is let them be history."

I needed to know that God would be ok with me moving on with my life and letting someone go so that I no longer carried the anger and hurt with me into the other areas of your life. I continued to forgive someone who I now know was never really sorry. Actions speak louder than words. And sorry is just a word. If you are truly sorry you are willing to make changes.

About a year ago I decided to make a change in my life. I decided to let the past be history. I had carried hurt and anger around with me for too long. I decided to stop trying to forgive someone who was not willing to change a hurtful behavior. It was hard! It's not easy to let go of someone that has been a part of your life for so long no matter how much they hurt you. But as time went on I realized how much healthier I was emotionally when I was no longer being hurt. I started to really see how hurt I was and why I carried so much anger and resentment with me into other areas of my life.

Making such a big change is not always easy. But a year later I know I made the right decision. I was unable to truly forgive because the person has not asked to be forgiven nor admitted to the hurtful behavior. But as the paragraph from the book I read says...I was able to release the person and along with that release the anger and resentment. I am a much happier much healthier person. Releasing the hurt and anger has helped so many other areas of my life that I didn't even realize were being affected. And most importantly it has made me a better mother and a better communicator with my son. I know the relationship that caused me so much pain will more than likely never be restored, but I do hope for the best for this person and I am choosing to turn the situation to God.

It's been awhile!

I follow a lot of blogs. I enjoy reading what is going on with friends and family. I keep telling myself that I am going to start posting more so I can have the memories saved on here, but I never do. It's one of the things on my list of things I would like to do. It's been almost 1 years since my last post and I have decided to start again today. It's mostly for me so I can keep track of our lives and have something to look back on in the future and I would like to improve my writing skills and what better way to do that than daily writing.

Austin's Birthday

My sweet little boy is now 4 years old. It's amazing how the time flies! Every day I love him more and more and feel so blessed to have been given the gift of being a parent. Austin is sweet and charming and smart and funny. He is everything a parent could dream for.

For his birthday this year I decided we would take a trip to San Diego to go to Sea World instead of a big party. On Austin's actual birthday we took some homemade Wall-E cupcakes to school to share with his friends. When he got to school they had a birthday crown waiting for him and he wore it all day. That night we ate at California Pizza Kitchen, one of Austin's favorite places. We enjoyed some pizza and shared a brownie sunday for dessert. Afterwards he played in the water fountain at Fashion Island.

On Saturday we had a dinner for him so that Gail and Natalie and Grandma Gayle could come and celebrate his birthday with him. We grilled some burgers and corn and had a yummy homemade Wall-E cake.

All in all it was a wonderful birthday celebration and next weekend we are off to Sea World!

P.S. I have posted all of the new pics on my flickr account.

Mom...

A few days ago Austin started calling me Mom, not mommy or momma, just Mom. Now I know this may not sound like a big deal to most, but it is a big deal to me. It just shows me more and more how my little baby is growing into a big boy. I miss his sweet little voice calling my name, mommy. Austin will be 4 yrs old in 5 days. One more year and he will be in Kindergarten. Austin is growing into such an amazingly wonderful little boy, but it is bittersweet. I love to watch him grow and see the independence he has, but at the same time I miss that little baby that always needed me.