Forgiveness...

It's a mighty big word.

People have often told me I need to forgive so that I can move on.

How can you forgive someone who is not truly sorry.

How many times are you supposed to forgive someone? Does there come a point when the person has wronged you too many times to forgive? Does there come a time when it is better to just let the person go? How can a person truly be sorry for hurting you if they continue to do it? How sorry can they really be if they are not willing to change the behavior?

I know as Christians we are taught to forgive. Jesus forgives. We hear all the time that Jesus forgives us no matter how many times we mess up. He is always there for us. How are we supposed to be like Jesus in a hurtful situation? I have always wrestled with this concept. Are we supposed to ignore a bad behavior from someone and continue to forgive them every time they ask even though they don't try to fix the problem or change the behavior? Or is it ok to just let go of the person causing harm without forgiveness?

In a book I recently read there was a paragraph that really spoke to me on this issue. It said, "Yes it happened. It certainly hurt. It may still hurt. But either the person has acknowledged his or her failure and you have chosen to forgive the person, or he/she persists in the wrong behavior and you choose to release that person to God, knowing that He is a God of justice as well as a God of mercy. I refuse to allow the persons behavior to destroy my life today."

"Releasing the person is not forgiveness. Forgiveness is a response to confession. It is rather a releasing of hurt and anger so that you are no longer consumed by them. It is choosing to love people in spite of the wrong they have done to you. It does not restore the relationship, but it does allow you to live your life in peace and love toward others."

"The best thing we can do with past failures is let them be history."

I needed to know that God would be ok with me moving on with my life and letting someone go so that I no longer carried the anger and hurt with me into the other areas of your life. I continued to forgive someone who I now know was never really sorry. Actions speak louder than words. And sorry is just a word. If you are truly sorry you are willing to make changes.

About a year ago I decided to make a change in my life. I decided to let the past be history. I had carried hurt and anger around with me for too long. I decided to stop trying to forgive someone who was not willing to change a hurtful behavior. It was hard! It's not easy to let go of someone that has been a part of your life for so long no matter how much they hurt you. But as time went on I realized how much healthier I was emotionally when I was no longer being hurt. I started to really see how hurt I was and why I carried so much anger and resentment with me into other areas of my life.

Making such a big change is not always easy. But a year later I know I made the right decision. I was unable to truly forgive because the person has not asked to be forgiven nor admitted to the hurtful behavior. But as the paragraph from the book I read says...I was able to release the person and along with that release the anger and resentment. I am a much happier much healthier person. Releasing the hurt and anger has helped so many other areas of my life that I didn't even realize were being affected. And most importantly it has made me a better mother and a better communicator with my son. I know the relationship that caused me so much pain will more than likely never be restored, but I do hope for the best for this person and I am choosing to turn the situation to God.

It's been awhile!

I follow a lot of blogs. I enjoy reading what is going on with friends and family. I keep telling myself that I am going to start posting more so I can have the memories saved on here, but I never do. It's one of the things on my list of things I would like to do. It's been almost 1 years since my last post and I have decided to start again today. It's mostly for me so I can keep track of our lives and have something to look back on in the future and I would like to improve my writing skills and what better way to do that than daily writing.

Austin's Birthday

My sweet little boy is now 4 years old. It's amazing how the time flies! Every day I love him more and more and feel so blessed to have been given the gift of being a parent. Austin is sweet and charming and smart and funny. He is everything a parent could dream for.

For his birthday this year I decided we would take a trip to San Diego to go to Sea World instead of a big party. On Austin's actual birthday we took some homemade Wall-E cupcakes to school to share with his friends. When he got to school they had a birthday crown waiting for him and he wore it all day. That night we ate at California Pizza Kitchen, one of Austin's favorite places. We enjoyed some pizza and shared a brownie sunday for dessert. Afterwards he played in the water fountain at Fashion Island.

On Saturday we had a dinner for him so that Gail and Natalie and Grandma Gayle could come and celebrate his birthday with him. We grilled some burgers and corn and had a yummy homemade Wall-E cake.

All in all it was a wonderful birthday celebration and next weekend we are off to Sea World!

P.S. I have posted all of the new pics on my flickr account.

Mom...

A few days ago Austin started calling me Mom, not mommy or momma, just Mom. Now I know this may not sound like a big deal to most, but it is a big deal to me. It just shows me more and more how my little baby is growing into a big boy. I miss his sweet little voice calling my name, mommy. Austin will be 4 yrs old in 5 days. One more year and he will be in Kindergarten. Austin is growing into such an amazingly wonderful little boy, but it is bittersweet. I love to watch him grow and see the independence he has, but at the same time I miss that little baby that always needed me.

Happy Birthday to me!!!

This past weekend was my birthday. I didn't have anything planned. I was just going to make a cake with Austin. Saturday morning when we got up we talked to Grandma and decided to ride the train down to San Diego. We had a great time. It was mine and Austin's first time riding a train. Austin was so excited. As soon as we got on the train his face lit up and he had a smile the entire time. The ride was about an hour and a half. We arrived in San Diego at this really cool old Santa Fe train station. We got a hotel for the night which was just a few blocks from the train station. The hotel was amazing. It was right in the middle of downtown. We were on the 11th floor and had an amazing view of the city and the ocean. When we arrived we checked into the hotel and then decided to go find a cool place to have lunch. We did a little shopping and rode the Trolley all around San Diego. Later in the day Austin and I went swimming in a pool out on a ledge on the 3rd floor of the hotel and then we walked to the grocery store to get a birthday cake. Austin and my mom sang to me and we had cake in our hotel room. On Sunday we went to Seaport Village and walked around. We found a really cool playground for Austin. We had some lunch got our stuff together and headed back home on the train. I was a little worried about not having a car while we were there but we had so much fun walking around and exploring downtown San Diego. It was a great way to spend my birthday. We all had a great time! I posted all the pics on my flickr account.

Fun Times & Family

Austin and I have been having a lot of fun here recently. Two weeks ago we went to Disneyland with Grandma. We always have fun at Disneyland with Grandma. Every time we go we get to do something new since Austin hasn't been on all of the rides yet. He rode the teacups and the paddle boat for the first time. He also saw his first parade. It was the Disney Pixar parade that had characters from a lot of his favorite movies. We saw Buzz, Woody, Nemo, the monsters from Monsters Inc, and the bugs from A Bugs Life. We ended up staying later than normal since we were having so much fun. The next weekend JoDee and Shelby came to visit us. We spent all day Sunday at the beach having a great time. Auntie Shelby buried Austin in the sand and he loved it. He enjoyed having Auntie Shelby there to make sand castles with. On Monday we went to Disneyland again. I won tickets to the sneak peak of the new Toy Story ride. We were able to go on the ride before it opens to the public. It is a great ride and was a lot of fun. Jodee and Shelby were able to use our tickets for the ride and they got to ride it too! We love when they come to visit us!

The Museum

This past Sunday Austin and I went to the Discovery Science Center in Santa Ana. I had told him a few days before that after church we were going to go to the Museum. He was very excited about it. When church was over I walked back to his room to pick him up and when he saw me he started yelling, "Mommy, Mommy, can we go to the Museum now!?!" It is always so much more fun to take him somewhere that he is excited to go. The museum is about 10 min from our house but we had never been. It is nothing spectacular but it is a cool place to have nearby. Austin's favorite exhibit was the ball roller coaster. Someone had built this amazing "roller coaster" and the balls just kept riding over and over. It was pretty cool. They had an exhibit that shows how waves work, which was very intriguing to Austin because of an event the previous day. I am going to change the subject but only because it is significant to why Austin loved the wave exhibit. Saturday mornings Austin and I walk to the beach with Grandma. We stop at Starbucks and get a coffee and then stop by the donut store for breakfast (not the healthiest I know but we are making memories) and then we walk out on the pier. This past Saturday the waves must have been really good because there were a lot of surfers out. So we stopped to watch. There was a young girl out there probably 10 years old and she was catching a lot of the waves. While my mom and I watched the surfers Austin ate his donut. When he was done he wanted to get out of the stroller and have me hold him so he could watch the surfers too. When I picked him up out of the stroller his shoe fell off. It was like slow motion and it went ... bounce, bounce, gone. It fell right off the pier! It was just a old sandal so I figured it wasn't that big of a deal, but when Austin saw his shoe in the ocean he got upset. He cried and cried. We watched the shoe hoping it would catch a wave it but it stayed out there. Then we got lucky this young kid in the water saw Austin's shoe grabbed it and brought it in for us. Austin was very happy to have his shoe back. For the rest of the day all Austin could talk about was that his shoe was riding the waves. This would be why the wave exhibit was so fascinating to him. The museum had some really great things for little ones to do. Austin got to make a track and send some balls down, he got to pretend he owned a restaurant and cooked and served food, and outside there was a huge dinosaur exhibit. There is a large "long neck" (remember The Land before Time?) and they have turned him into a playground. You get to go inside the dinosaur and see his intestines. There were many fun things to do so all in all we had a great day. After the museum we went to In-N-Out for lunch which is always a nice treat. Grandma is going to take Austin back in a few weeks because Bob the Builder is going to be there.

I have a flickr account now. I am going to add the link to my blog so you can see the rest of the pictures from the museum.