The little things...

When Grandma came to visit us over the summer we went to see Cars 2.  It was a great movie.  Ever since them Austin has been asking for it on DVD.  Yesterday I went to Target to get some mascara.  They had Cars 2 on sale so I went ahead and bought it.  Saved me $5 and I had planned on getting it for Austin at some point anyway.  I decided to go ahead an give it to him last night.  He was SO excited.  He said thank you probably 25 times. (no exaggeration)  It was so sweet.  He was just so happy and so genuinely grateful.  It made my heart melt.  It's those little things that make life so great.  

  See this pretty lady???  She will be here tomorrow to visit us!!!  I know a 7 year old that is beyond excited and has been counting down the days!

Open Book

I can be a very private person at times.  I believe I come by it naturally.  I am most private when it comes to the things that hurt me.  I don't like to show weakness.  Or admit that I am not strong enough to handle something on my own.  It's a blessing and a curse.  I was raised to be a strong, independent woman.  I am grateful for that.  But everyone has a breaking point.

I'm staring to write more about this stuff because I think it would be good therapy for me to let things out.  I hold so much in to the point that I break and maybe if I let things go a little at a time it won't be so bad.  I suppose it worth a try.

Being a single parent is tough.  It's even tougher dealing with MD.  I feel like I have to be even stronger for Austin.  I don't have someone else to step in so I can break down.  It's hard.  I hold in tears all of the time because I don't want to show weakness or let Austin know how much I'm hurting.  He knows he has muscular dystrophy and he knows that affects his muscles so that he is not able to do things as well as other kids his age.  But that's all he knows.  And that's all he needs to know...for now.  It's hard to look at that sweet face and know what's going to happen to him.  I need to be strong.  I need to fight for him...to be his advocate.  But it's really hard.  It breaks me.  I feel like I'm constantly fighting to get him what he needs. It wears on me.

I started taking anti-depressants last week.  I tried so hard to get through without taking medicine.  I knew I was sad, but it was Jonathan who made me see how bad it was getting.  He sees me every day.  He could see the change in me.  I tried to fight it, but I had to admit I wasn't strong enough to handle this on my own and I needed help.  We have a family doctor.  I really like that.  So when I get seen he asks about Austin and knows all about Austin's diagnosis.  No retelling of my sob story.  I told him I needed medication and he didn't even have to ask why.  He understood. Hopefully the medicine will help. And I can be a stronger person for Austin. 

I want to be an open book.  I want to be able to freely share what I am feeling, the good and the bad.  I need to so that I can keep my sanity as we travel down this road.  I'm just going to have to take it one day at a time.

Halloween

Darth Vadar had a great Halloween and got A LOT of candy!  Austin loved his Darth Vadar mask.  It's really cool and has a button and it talks in Darth's voice.

We went to First Baptist Church for their Trunk or Treat.  It was cool.  They had a band playing while we were out trunk or treating. A lot of people had decorated their trunks really cute.  We also went on a hay ride.  Austin saw a lot of his friends there. 

We also went to Second Baptist Church.  They have an indoor festival.  Each room has a different game to play to win candy.  Austin really enjoys playing the games and did GREAT at the baseball throwing one.  We also did a cake walk and won some delicious cupcakes. 

I can't believe it's November already! 

Weekend Recap

We had a nice weekend and the weather was wonderful.

Friday night Austin and I picked up a Jack O Lantern pizza from Papa Murphy's.  It was delicious.  We also picked up the pictures Austin took with his disposable camera.  He was very excited once he saw the outcome.  He did a great job and took some good pictures.  I didn't realize how expensive it would be to have them developed.  Printing pics from a digital camera is 1/4 the price of a regular camera.  But it was fun for Austin. 

Saturday we had a garage sale for most of the day.  It was fun.  I like people watching and seeing what people buy.  Jonathan had what he called a redneck hot tub.  It's an attachment to put on a regular bath tub to make it like a jet tub.  He found it and it was used.  I told him to throw it away because no one will buy it.  I ate my words during the last 5 minutes of the garage sale.  Someone bought it!  After the garage sale we went to Lowe's and Austin and I started looking at Christmas lights and decorations to see how we want to decorate this year.  I'm excited and he likes to help pick everything out.  It will be nice to come home and see our house lit up.  After Lowe's we went to Stephen and Kendyl's house to play Rock Band.  I helped Austin play the drums.  He was pretty good and we had a lot of fun.

Sunday was a pretty lazy day which was nice after being up so early for the garage sale the day before.  Sunday afternoon we went to the park across the street and played on the playset and walked the cute little path through the trees.  It was beautiful outside.  We did our weekly trip to Wal-Mart and had spaghetti for dinner.  It was a nice way to end the weekend.

A Reason

A Special Child (Author Unknown)

A meeting was held quite far from earth.
It's time again for another birth,
Said the angels to the Lord above.
This special child will need much love.
His progress may seem very slow;
accomplishments he may not show.
And he'll require much extra care
from all the folks he meets down there.
He may not laugh or run or play
and his thoughts may seem far away.
In many ways, he won't adapt
and he'll be known as handicapped.
So let's be careful where he's sent.
We want his life to be content.
Please Lord, find the parents
who will do this special job for you.
They will not realize right away
the leading role they're asked to play,
but with this child from above
comes stronger faith and richer love.
And soon they'll know the privilege
given in caring for this gift from heaven.
Their precious child so meek and mild
is heaven's very special child.

I remember one day we were sitting at a table in Applebees.  Austin was still a baby and my mom said to me.  He is here for a reason.  I completely believe everything happens for a reason.  And from that moment on I always think about how important this little boy is and what a profound difference he has made on all of our lives already.  This amazing little boy has kept our family together.  If he wasn't here through all the bad stuff that has gone on we wouldn't be where we are today.  He is on the front of my mind for every decision I make in life.  He has changed me for the better.  

I read the above poem and starting sobbing.  As much as this situation sux, God chose me to take care of this very special child.  That is a true blessing.  And not only did he choose me, but all of you too!  We were all chosen to be here for this little guy and give him the love he needs and forever be changed for the better because of him.  

Some days are really hard.  I keep thinking how much more can we take?  I know God only gives you what he knows you can handle, but some days it's too much.  Austin already has to grow up without a father, wasn't that enough?  Austin has had people walk out on him, wasn't that enough?  He has been through so many medical tests and procedures.  And the biggest blow of all...a fatal genetic disease.  Just typing that kills me.  I don't talk about that part much.  It's too hard.  I don't know how to deal with it. 

I'm trying to learn to live each day one at a time.  Trying to find the joy in every day and make sure I spend as much time as I can with my little guy.  He is so persistent and determined and smart.  I know that he will do something great and he was put here for a reason.   I hope as he grows he changes lives and touches peoples hearts.  He has already done that for me.

So Happy It's Friday!

This is Austin's school picture.  Sorry for the poor quality but I took a picture of it with my phone last night.  He is in a stage (or so I hope it is) of raising his eyebrows in every picture.  I asked him why and he said because it makes him look better.  Crazy kid! =)

I'm so glad it's Friday I am ready for the weekend.  Austin is going on a field trip to the pumpkin patch with his school today.  Last night he told me they could take a camera with them on their field trip.  Of course he wasn’t taking my nice one so I got him a disposable one and he thought that was the worst thing in the world.  Where do I see my pictures?  You don’t.  That’s stupid.  No it’s like a surprise when we get it developed.  Developed?  Yeah we take it to walmart and they give you back real pictures.  Why?  I’m supposed to look at them on the computer.  No you will get real pictures.  But then how do I get them on the computer.  This is dumb.  No Austin it’s fun. I'm hoping he will embrace it and enjoy developing the pictures.  I forget how spoiled we are these days with the instant gratification of digital pictures.  And we are spoiled in so many other ways.  Yesterday I went to Hobby Lobby to get some yarn and forgot my 40% off coupon.  I was able to pull it up on my phone and they can scan it on my phone and get my discount. I have done that at American Eagle and Kohls too.  What did we do in the days without smart phones??? =)  

We are doing another garage sale tomorrow.  Hopefully we will make some money!  I mainly just sit back and people watch and take care of the money, but it is actually kind of fun.  

I heard back from Endo and Austin's appointment is scheduled for January 23rd.  =(  I was really hoping to get in sooner but they only see Endo patients on Mondays.  They said I can call once and week and find out if anyone has cancelled and take their appointment  and we can get in sooner so you can bet that's what I am going to do.  

I'm hoping to post some pictures this weekend of our Hot Springs trip.  We had a blast.